Category: #SurvivorSpeaks

Today I Cried

As the season of love known as Valentine's Day has officially ended, for many survivors of domestic violence, they still struggle with the love they thought they lost. For a very long time, I struggled with the loneliness and pain of losing someone I loved so deeply, yet hurt me so horribly.  Have you ever felt that way too?   Even though the pandemic is looming quietly, the loneliness and isolation during these past couple of years has been extremely hard for everyone, bu... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, July 25, 2022

Including Domestic Violence in #ShowUsYourLeave

#ShowUsYourLeave is shining a needed light on how companies support their employees outside of work. TheSkimm started this empowering and inspiring movement, and it has been amazing to see the LinkedIn feed fill up with companies sharing comprehensive, thoughtful, and generous plans to support parenting, caregiving, and well-being.  However, there is one glaring omission from each of these #ShowUsYourLeave memes and the important policies behind them: Support for employees experi... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, June 6, 2022

No Ordinary Love

I walk calmly toward the door to the garage. My heart pounding in my chest. Just a few more steps. In my car, out the driveway. As I drive away, my whole body sighs deeply. Am I safe? I glance in the rearview mirror to see if he’s following me. My mind is racing. I call my lawyer, then the locksmith. Just a few minutes before, I was standing in my backyard talking to a repairman about the septic tank. My husband shows up and starts talking to the guy as if he still lives there. I&rsquo... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, May 9, 2022


As I sit in the hospital waiting to be seen, I try to figure out the events that led me here. The blood rushes down my face and my nose and head throb. I am lucky to be alive, and I pray that I will be okay. I am grateful that I left my house when I did. The nurse walks in and asks if I can hear her. When I look up, I can see the outline of her body, but the details are blurry.  She tells me to follow her back to triage. She pauses, turns back, and looks at me, "Don’t worry yo... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, March 21, 2022

Rebekah’s Last Gift to the World: A Grieving Mother’s Story

This is the story that took place on 333 E Willis St in Monticello, Arkansas on June 24th, 2021. Rebekah, my nineteen-year-old daughter, and I text and talk daily, and on Wednesday, June 23rd, she texts she needs to talk. As soon as I was able, I called to see what was up.  She told me she wanted to move in with me. She wanted to get a job and start saving to get her and Harley, her fiance, a place to stay. Harley was about to go into the National Guard. They were getting their lives tog... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, March 7, 2022

The 5 Most-Read Guest Blog Posts of 2021

As 2021 comes to a close, NCADV is looking back the the guest posts published to our blog this year. We want to share with you the guest blog posts published in 2021. The countdown can be found below. #5 Mad Love "It was a warm September afternoon in 1992 when the world was first introduced to the Maiden of Mischief, the Cupid of Crime, or as most know her as, Harley Quinn. These early years of Harley Quinn’s character development had her by the Jokers side, encour... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Thursday, December 30, 2021

Unknown Battle Scar: The Hidden Wounds

As a senior leader in the Army Reserve, I am trained to be a warrior and to be strong. I am trained to be able to deploy at all times and lead my troops to the Army Standard. I am trained to not show weakness and if I do show any sign of weakness or emotion, I am told to suck it up or get over it. So, when I hear these words constantly, it is ingrained in me that I cannot cry or have a weak moment because I do not want my soldiers, peers, or leaders to think I am not capable of doing my job;... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, November 8, 2021

The Aftermath of Domestic Violence

"I don't give a shit about your stupid little teen soap opera." A seemingly simple statement, albeit a bit nasty. But it was said with such vitriol that it stopped me in my tracks for a second. It was the first time he had ever spoken to me like that, and I was caught off guard by the gruff in his voice. All I wanted to do was watch a show that comforted me, and I was super confused as to why he was reacting this way. I ultimately shrugged it off. It was only years later as I w... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, July 12, 2021

Mad Love

            It was a warm September afternoon in 1992 when the world was first introduced to the Maiden of Mischief, the Cupid of Crime, or as most know her as, Harley Quinn. First appearing in Batman: The Animated Series, the episode “Joker’s Favor” opens to Harley Quinn, dressed in her red and black jester suit, cheering on the narcissistic Joker as he parades around and shares his latest crime scheme. Harley Quinn was... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, April 26, 2021

The Apartment Game After the Divorce

I don’t get why we have to move and Stan can stay in the house. But he’s the one that owns it. My dad always gives my mom money each week. He’s in charge of everything because he owns everything and makes all the money. I’m nervous about switching schools again. I’m in fifth grade now and new schools are getting old. Two weeks later, my mother and sister and I move out of our three- bedroom house and into a dingy two-bedroom apartment across town. Our new apart... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, March 15, 2021

But, Why Did You Stay…?

I knew it would never happen to me.  I was way too independent and I would never let a man belittle me, let alone hit me.  As a prosecutor in the third largest county in the United States, I was assigned to a special division to prosecute domestic violence cases where the victim wanted charges dropped against her abuser. I remember being so frustrated with all the women who would not leave their abuser and refused to cooperate with their prosecution. I could not conceptually grasp h... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, March 1, 2021

When I Broke the Silence

It took me many years to muster up the courage to tell the people in my life what my husband was doing to me. Heads up: When you decide to tell, beware. You may not get the reactions from people you expect or hope for. Some people will surprise you, both in a good way and in a bad way. When I decided to tell my family what he was doing to me I was met with all kinds of reactions and responses, none of which was helpful to me. It quite honestly left me stunned. It's not like they didn... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, February 1, 2021

Finding Legitimacy After the Violence

“When I dare to be powerful—to use my strength in the service of my vision—then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid," Audre Lorde.  Sockless, I slowly attempted to step out of my warm bed; however, my feet suddenly immersed themselves in ice-cold water. The freezing sensation fully woke me up immediately. Next to me, my co-dependent partner of the moment, gently snored, still knocked out from a night-filled fest of cocaine, alcohol, and weed.&nb... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, January 18, 2021

Emerging Hope

Domestic violence altered the course of my life in a way that I never possibly would have imagined ten, twenty even forty years ago. As a woman nearly sixty years old still struggling with effects of abuse, particularly chronic, complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); I understand how difficult it is to manage life sometimes even if it means surviving simply moment to moment. Today, I am no longer restrained though by abuse or perpetrators who prey on my vulnerabilities – I learn... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, January 4, 2021

How Writing Helped Me Survive

It’s hard to admit that I am a survivor. The assumptions that we have about who has survived abuse, along with the denial that it could ever be me or perhaps you, it sometimes feels impossible to believe even after going through it. Through sharing our stories, especially during these times of living through a pandemic and surviving domestic violence, I have learned that our own words can help us heal. My abuser was my friend for almost a decade. He was so close that he knew most of th... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, December 7, 2020

After The Laughter: A Survivors Journey From Hurting To Healing The Scars Of Domestic Violence

You finally met the love of your life. It was as if the heavens opened up and poured out the perfect cocktail of good looks, intelligence, adventure, confidence and charm. The love was fast, the passion was fierce and the communication was intense. You were intoxicated by his affection, attention and adoration. There's no place on earth you would have rather been than tucked away inside his loving arms. There was late night laughter and early morning kisses as you were whisked away to ex... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, July 27, 2020

What Everyone Ought To Know About Domestic Violence

Having worked with victims of domestic violence for over fifteen years of my career as a registered nurse I thought I knew what I needed to know about abusive partners. I had gone through my professional training, I had worked as an emergency room case manager in addition to working in some of the best and cutting edge Level I trauma centers in the United States. I was smart, skilled and resourceful. I thought I knew what I needed to know to spot an abuser; However, nothing could have ever p... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, June 1, 2020

The Revictimization Game

At the age of 82, I thought I was long past feeling the poison cocktail of emotions: shame, anxiety, fear, grief, anger and nothing that accompanied being a victim of domestic abuse. Then I read of the social media garbage thrown at high-profile women whose partners have humiliated, stalked, beaten, shot …. I’ll let you fill in the rest. If you’re reading this, you can probably extend the list for three or four more lines. Now I feel all those feelings, but mostly anger. ... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Thursday, January 30, 2020

Final Webinar Topics of 2019 Announced by NCADV

We are excited to announce NCADV’s remaining webinars of 2019! October Webinar – #SurvivorSpeaks: A Panel Discussion Highlighting Survivor Voices   In this 90-minute webinar you will hear from: Patrisha McLean, Photojournalist, Founder of Finding our Voices: Breaking the Silence of Domestic Violence Nanci Kreidman, CEO, Domestic Violence Action Center Aja Desmond, Program Director, HAVEN Janessa Rivera, CEO, R.E.B.I.R.T.H. Journey On Tuesday, October 15th at 1:00 P... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, September 30, 2019

NCADV Announces Campaign and Toolkit for Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM)

Inspired by the #MeToo movement, NCADV is introducing a similar concept focused on domestic violence. This movement will help debunk common myths about domestic violence. In an effort to destigmatize domestic violence, and as a reflection of our mission to amplify the voices of domestic violence survivors, we have implemented the #SurvivorSpeaks hashtag. #MeToo shows us that cultural and social change is obtainable when the conversation is made accessible to all. Our hope is that #SurvivorSp... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Thursday, September 6, 2018

When #MeToo Isn’t Enough: Why Domestic Violence Needs Its Own Hashtag

In late 2017, the #MeToo movement catalyzed a change in our national conversation about sexual assault and harassment. The movement began when actress Alyssa Milano shared accusations of sexual assault and harassment against producer Harvey Weinstein. As other Hollywood mega-stars began to come forward with similar stories, #MeToo went viral. Twitter confirmed to CBS News that over 1.7 million tweets included the hashtag "#MeToo," with 85 countries that had at least 1,000 #MeToo twe... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Monday, June 4, 2018

NCADV Announces Jennie Willoughby to Keynote 2018 Voices Rising National Domestic Violence Conference

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE DENVER, CO / WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) announced today that Jennie Willoughby will be a keynote speaker of Voices Rising, NCADV’s 17th biennial national domestic violence conference this September. Ms. Willoughby is a domestic violence survivor and has been outspoken about her abuser, Rob Porter, who until February was employed at the White House and protected by high-ranking officials who knew about Porter’... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I Don't Know About You ... But Lately I'm Feeling Violated

Lately I am feeling violated with the online headlines that announce that the latest celebrity or politician has sexually abused someone.  When I can't sleep, memories of sexual abuse and torture I suffered as a young wife more than 30 years ago creep into my consciousness alive and well, playing themselves out as if it was yesterday.  I learned that the name for this is “Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)* which happens as the result of enduring complex traum... Read More
at Thursday, January 18, 2018

The Power of Speaking Up

I had always heard that abuse is life changing. Whether you are in it for 1 year or 20 years, it can change your perspective dramatically. For an outsider, it may be difficult to understand how one part of your life could change the way you see the entire world. I was with my abuser for slightly less than one year, but yes, this one year changed everything. And what other people do not always realize is that things are not just magically resolved as soon as the relationship ends. Dealing wit... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer at Thursday, December 14, 2017

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