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Category: guest blog post

What Will My Job Think?

In 2018, I was fired for becoming a mother. Until that point, I had a long and prestigious marketing career and high hopes for my future. But that future quickly escaped me. While job hunting, every interviewer asked about the end date on my resume. I was forced to disclose that I was a new mom and that’s where most conversations ended.  I found myself pushed out of the labor force and into being a stay-at-home mom completely dependent on my husband. The experience shocked me to... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, May 3, 2021

Mad Love

            It was a warm September afternoon in 1992 when the world was first introduced to the Maiden of Mischief , the Cupid of Crime , or as most know her as, Harley Quinn . First appearing in Batman: The Animated Series , the episode “Joker’s Favor” opens to Harley Quinn, dressed in her red and black jester suit, cheering on the narcissistic Joker as he parades around and shares his latest crime scheme. Harley... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, April 26, 2021

The Apartment Game After the Divorce

I don’t get why we have to move and Stan can stay in the house. But he’s the one that owns it. My dad always gives my mom money each week. He’s in charge of everything because he owns everything and makes all the money. I’m nervous about switching schools again. I’m in fifth grade now and new schools are getting old. Two weeks later, my mother and sister and I move out of our three- bedroom house and into a dingy two-bedroom apartment across town. Our new... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, March 15, 2021

But, Why Did You Stay…?

I knew it would never happen to me.  I was way too independent and I would never let a man belittle me, let alone hit me.  As a prosecutor in the third largest county in the United States, I was assigned to a special division to prosecute domestic violence cases where the victim wanted charges dropped against her abuser. I remember being so frustrated with all the women who would not leave their abuser and refused to cooperate with their prosecution. I could not conceptually grasp how... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, March 1, 2021

Bystander Paralysis: It Happens to Everyone – Even Domestic Violence Experts

I have several years of experience in violence prevention and victim services for power based violence. “Power based violence is a form of violence that has a primary motivator:  assertion of power, control and/or intimidation in order to harm another . This includes relationship/partner violence, rape/sexual assault, stalking, and other uses of force, threat, intimidation, or harassment of an individual (University of Missouri, (n.d.)” I even studied it in school. So I should... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, February 15, 2021

When I Broke the Silence

It took me many years to muster up the courage to tell the people in my life what my husband was doing to me. Heads up: When you decide to tell, beware. You may not get the reactions from people you expect or hope for. Some people will surprise you, both in a good way and in a bad way. When I decided to tell my family what he was doing to me I was met with all kinds of reactions and responses, none of which was helpful to me. It quite honestly left me stunned. It's not like they... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, February 1, 2021

Finding Legitimacy After the Violence

“When I dare to be powerful—to use my strength in the service of my vision—then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid," Audre Lorde .  Sockless, I slowly attempted to step out of my warm bed; however, my feet suddenly immersed themselves in ice-cold water. The freezing sensation fully woke me up immediately. Next to me, my co-dependent partner of the moment, gently snored, still knocked out from a night-filled fest of cocaine, alcohol, and... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, January 18, 2021

Emerging Hope

Domestic violence altered the course of my life in a way that I never possibly would have imagined ten, twenty even forty years ago. As a woman nearly sixty years old still struggling with effects of abuse, particularly chronic, complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); I understand how difficult it is to manage life sometimes even if it means surviving simply moment to moment. Today, I am no longer restrained though by abuse or perpetrators who prey on my vulnerabilities – I learned... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, January 4, 2021

The 5 Most-Read Guest Blog Posts of 2020

NCADV is reflecting and looking back on 2020, and we wanted to share the top five most-read guest blog posts of 2020 with you.  #5 What Everyone Ought to Know About Domestic Violence "Having worked with victims of domestic violence for over fifteen years of my career as a registered nurse I thought I knew what I needed to know about abusive partners. I was smart, skilled and resourceful. I thought I knew what I needed to know to spot an abuser; However, nothing could have... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, December 21, 2020

How Writing Helped Me Survive

It’s hard to admit that I am a survivor. The assumptions that we have about who has survived abuse, along with the denial that it could ever be me or perhaps you, it sometimes feels impossible to believe even after going through it. Through sharing our stories, especially during these times of living through a pandemic and surviving domestic violence, I have learned that our own words can help us heal. My abuser was my friend for almost a decade. He was so close that he knew most of... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, December 7, 2020

After The Laughter: A Survivors Journey From Hurting To Healing The Scars Of Domestic Violence

You finally met the love of your life. It was as if the heavens opened up and poured out the perfect cocktail of good looks, intelligence, adventure, confidence and charm. The love was fast, the passion was fierce and the communication was intense. You were intoxicated by his affection, attention and adoration. There's no place on earth you would have rather been than tucked away inside his loving arms. There was late night laughter and early morning kisses as you were whisked away to... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, July 27, 2020

Using Creativity as a Tool for Transformation with Survivors

Ten years ago, I discovered a collection of poems titled ‘Holocaust’ by Charles Reznikoff’s. During this time, I was working as a consultant in London in the arena of gender-based violence. Reznikoff’s work resonated with me. I had grown up with stories of the war in my family. Also working with survivors of abuse, I had a deep awareness of the impact of trauma in the ‘ordinary’ settings of family and intimate... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, July 13, 2020

What Everyone Ought To Know About Domestic Violence

Having worked with victims of domestic violence for over fifteen years of my career as a registered nurse I thought I knew what I needed to know about abusive partners. I had gone through my professional training, I had worked as an emergency room case manager in addition to working in some of the best and cutting edge Level I trauma centers in the United States. I was smart, skilled and resourceful. I thought I knew what I needed to know to spot an abuser; However, nothing could have ever... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, June 1, 2020

The Revictimization Game

At the age of 82, I thought I was long past feeling the poison cocktail of emotions: shame, anxiety, fear, grief, anger and nothing that accompanied being a victim of domestic abuse. Then I read of the social media garbage thrown at high-profile women whose partners have humiliated, stalked, beaten, shot …. I’ll let you fill in the rest. If you’re reading this, you can probably extend the list for three or four more lines. Now I feel all those feelings, but mostly anger... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Thursday, January 30, 2020

Believe It or Not, Coloring is Therapeutic!

When I felt no one could understand what I was going through, and I felt alone during the difficult times in my life, coloring helped me to cope and to heal. I've experienced childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence. I've had to have surgery to repair my brokenness. I endured the loss of my father to suicide, job loss, and experienced sexual harassment on the job. I did not enjoy any of this, nor did I ask for any of these things to happen to me.  My experiences span the... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, August 19, 2019

Officer Involved Domestic Violence: A Survivor Story

It’s a topic that is discussed very little. It’s a topic that the public has little knowledge of. It’s a topic that is not given enough attention: Officer Involved Domestic Violence (OIDV). Estimates vary, yet it’s estimated between 20-40% * of law enforcement families/significant others experience domestic violence. The International Association of Chiefs of Police have developed a model policy. Departments are encouraged to adopt policy, but it is not a... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Monday, June 24, 2019

I Don't Know About You ... But Lately I'm Feeling Violated

Lately I am feeling violated with the online headlines that announce that the latest celebrity or politician has sexually abused someone.  When I can't sleep, memories of sexual abuse and torture I suffered as a young wife more than 30 years ago creep into my consciousness alive and well, playing themselves out as if it was yesterday.  I learned that the name for this is “Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD)* which happens as the result of enduring complex trauma... Read More
at Thursday, January 18, 2018

The Power of Speaking Up

I had always heard that abuse is life changing. Whether you are in it for 1 year or 20 years, it can change your perspective dramatically. For an outsider, it may be difficult to understand how one part of your life could change the way you see the entire world. I was with my abuser for slightly less than one year, but yes, this one year changed everything. And what other people do not always realize is that things are not just magically resolved as soon as the relationship ends. Dealing... Read More
Posted by Lynn Brewer-Muse at Thursday, December 14, 2017

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