As the season of love known as Valentine's Day has officially ended, for many survivors of domestic violence, they still struggle with the love they thought they lost. For a very long time, I struggled with the loneliness and pain of losing someone I loved so deeply, yet hurt me so horribly.  Have you ever felt that way too?  

Even though the pandemic is looming quietly, the loneliness and isolation during these past couple of years has been extremely hard for everyone, but for survivors of domestic violence, it can be at times, almost unbearable. 

You may be dealing still be dealing with a sense of envy for your abusive ex partner's new relationship. 

You may be consumed with the thought that the new partner is now getting the love you so desperately wanted from your ex, but feel you were never good enough to receive. Maybe their new partner now is getting everything you were promised. That very thought, can keep survivors awake at night.  

You may even still be obsessed over the thought that their new partner will now get that AMAZING love that showed up in the being your relationship with your ex. The AMAZING person that disappeared almost as quickly as he blew into your life. Many survivors feel exactly the same way that you do, because they once played those same messages over and over inside their own mind. I know I played them more times that I can count. 

The below words are a gift to you during this season of your life. ​They were written just for you.  It is an expression of a healing journey that many of us know all too well. It is my hope that the words below will help you, as it has helped many others before you, including myself. 

 

 

May they help you as you continue to learn not to envy your abusive ex's next and the life you feel you've missed out on. Believe it or not, they are being victimized too. Although, these words were written from a female perspective in a heterosexual relationship, the words can be used interchangeably, as they fit your particularly situation. 

 

I pray these words will soothe your soul and help you in your growing season. I hope these words help you spread your wings in order to set yourself free. 

 

Today I cried for the man he'll never become for you. 

I cried because of the lies I told myself, 

The very same thing you're about to do. 

 

The day I left him I knew he would replace me with you. 

He can't be alone because of his darkness he can't face. 

There will always be another NEXT, he must quickly put into place. 

 

At first, I used to feel a sense of envy for what I believed I lost to you. 

As time went by my envy turned into sorrow. 

I know one day; sadness would fill all of your tomorrows.  

For what he's about to intentionally do to you.

 

After all of his lies, manipulation and the games of confusion, 

I had to confront my own hard truth. 

The man I feel in love with, was only an illusion. 

 

You probably already know my name. 

Although I may not know yours. 

His story of victimhood will always be the same. 

 

He will quickly pretend to love you and buy you thoughtful things. 

Don't be fooled by the illusion of kindness. 

It simply will not last. 

One day soon, just like me, you’ll witness the slipping of his mask. 

 

The day you see the mask begin to fall, 

Don't ignore his controlling ways, especially the ones that seem so small. 

The entrance to the fairy tale life you thought was completely and blissfully yours,  

Is about to cruelly and suddenly close its doors. 

 

The hurricane that ripped through my life, 

Is about to cause category five destruction in yours. 

As your days and nights will be filled with chaos and strife. 

 

I wished that I could warn you, sadly I know you wouldn't believe me.  

"I am crazy, a cheater a liar, a drug addict or a drunk," he’s told you. 

For his plan to work, this is who he MUST paint me out to be. 

 

I know the story all too well of the "Crazy Ex.."  

For it's the same story I heard over and over. 

It's the story I believed, as I was being groomed to be his NEXT. 

 

No doubt you are beautiful, loving, and your spirit is gentle and meek. 

I cried today not for the love I lost. 

I cried for the love you now seek. 

 

Not only are you smart, I'm sure you’re compassionate and kind. 

I pray you remember the light inside of you.

Once he starts attempting to gaslight your mind.  

 

The gift I now give to you is one of compassion, encouragement and love. 

You are goodness, love and light. 

You can make it without him, even if you think you can’t.

Living free from pain and abuse, is your divine and human right. 

 

You're not too sensitive, overreacting or confused. 

It's not your fault, you're not crazy, worthless or unlovable. 

Just because he hasn't hit you yet, doesn't mean you're not being abused.

 

The tears I cried today, were not tears I cried for him. 

You have no idea, what you are about to go through.  

The tears I cried today my dear one, were no longer tears for me.  

The tears I cried today, were tears I now shed for you.  

 

 Author: Tracy Brack RN, BSN, CTSS

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